The 5 Funniest 2015 Commencement Speakers
At commencement ceremonies, every speaker gets to be a comedian, even comedians. The competition was tough, but at least two of the best lines compiled by The Washington Post, came from politicians.
“I stand here humbled, gracious and completely naked under this robe.”
--Maya Rudolph, Tulane University
“The UVA community has some experience with being defined by outsiders. It has been said that a rolling stone gathers no moss. I would add that sometimes a rolling stone also gathers no verifiable facts or even the tiniest morsels of journalistic integrity.”
--Ed Helms, University of Virginia
“Tisch graduates, you made it. And you’re f----ed. The graduates from the College of Nursing, they all have jobs. The graduates from the College of Dentistry, fully employed. The Leonard N. Stern School of Business graduates, they’re covered. The School of Medicine graduates, each one will get a job. The proud graduates of the NYU School of Law, they’re covered. And if they’re not, who cares? They’re lawyers.”
--Robert DeNiro, Tisch School of the Arts, New York University
…[Yale was] one touchdown away from beating Harvard this year for the first time since 2006. So close to something you’ve wanted for eight years. I can only imagine how you feel. I can only imagine.”
--Vice President Joe Biden, Yale University
Those of you who are graduating this afternoon with high honors, awards and distinction, I say, ‘Well done.’ And as I like to tell the C students, ‘You, too, can be president.’”
--former President George W. Bush, Southern Methodist University
Number of the Day: $132,900
The cap on Social Security payroll taxes will rise to $132,900 next year, an increase of 3.5 percent. (Earnings up to that level are subject to the Social Security tax.) The increase will affect about 11.6 million workers, Politico reports. Beneficiaries are also getting a boost, with a 2.8 percent cost-of-living increase coming in 2019.
Photo of the Day: Kanye West at the White House
This is 2018: Kanye West visited President Trump at the White House Thursday and made a rambling 10-minute statement that aired on TV news networks. West’s lunch with the president was supposed to focus on clemency, crime in his hometown of Chicago and economic investment in urban areas, but his Oval Office rant veered into the bizarre. And since this is the world we live in, we’ll also point out that West apparently became “the first person to ever publicly say 'mother-f***er' in the Oval Office.”
Trump called Kanye’s monologue “pretty impressive.”
“That was bonkers,” MSNBC’s Ali Velshi said afterward.
Again, this is 2018.
Chart of the Day: GDP Growth Before and After the Tax Bill
President Trump and the rest of the GOP are celebrating the recent burst in economic growth in the wake of the tax cuts, with the president claiming that it’s unprecedented and defies what the experts were predicting just a year ago. But Rex Nutting of MarketWatch points out that elevated growth rates over a few quarters have been seen plenty of times in recent years, and the extra growth generated by the Republican tax cuts was predicted by most economists, including those at the Congressional Budget Office, whose revised projections are shown below.
Are States Ready for the Next Downturn?
The Great Recession hit state budgets hard, but nearly half are now prepared to weather the next modest downturn. Moody’s Analytics says that 23 states have enough reserves to meet budget shortfalls in a moderate economic contraction, up from just 16 last year, Bloomberg reports. Another 10 states are close. The map below shows which states are within 1 percent of their funding needs for their rainy day funds (in green) and which states are falling short.
Chart of the Day: Evolving Price of the F-35
The 2019 National Defense Authorization Act signed in August included 77 F-35 Lightning II jets for the Defense Department, but Congress decided to bump up that number in the defense spending bill finalized this week, for a total of 93 in the next fiscal year – 16 more than requested by the Pentagon. Here’s a look from Forbes at the evolving per unit cost of the stealth jet, which is expected to eventually fall to roughly $80 million when full-rate production begins in the next few years.
